I dunno why I have been working so hard for what? I sacrifice so much things just to find out that I can achieve any stuff. Even God is not there to help me everytime that I pray. I wonder if God is really making use of his opportunity or not. Since before coming to China, I have been praying for my scholarship to happen, however it never comes true. I got rejected and so I can't make an impact for the people in China. If I was given the money, sgd$1000 would have been gone to charity organisation rather then going to the pockets of those who have no hearts in doing community service.
Another instance I requested help from church members to help me find info for my chinese essay. 3 out of 3 cases, no one replied to me and I feel very lost for words, not knowing how to make a breakthrough into China. My opportunity window is getting smaller and smaller and there is not much time left. I hope there is someone there praying for me and is willing to help me in my walk with God.
I am utterly disappointed with myself for not being able to do what God wants everyone to do, even after all those long hours of sacrifices before coming to China. I even sacrifice buying a new laptop even though my old laptop is causing me problems now. For years I suffered and have not been able to make a difference to the lives of the people.
